Calm
by time2thrASH
Summary: Whilst taking down HYDRA outposts, each Avenger gets to spend some time with the Other Guy.


**Calm**

 _Sokovia_

The Avengers had hit the HYDRA outpost by surprise, and Tony had _persuaded_ the Hulk to join the fight.

After the job was done, the Hulk had fled into the forest with Tony in hot pursuit. Evidently Tony's presence was not quite as… soothing as Natasha's.

* * *

"OK big guy. Time to Banner-ize." Tony instructed, flipping his mask up to reveal his face.

"Banner hate Hulk! Banner want Hulk die!" The green giant roared furiously, smashing his fist into a tree.

"Does… Hulk hate Banner?" Tony asked. "Always wanted to know." He added under his breath.

"Banner hate Hulk!" Hulk roared again.

"Yeah big guy, we've already been over that." Tony rolled his eyes. "But who does Hulk hate?"

"Hulk hate puny soldier men!" Hulk roared, flexing his biceps.

"OK, I get that, who else?" Tony probed.

"Hulk hate big soldier man!" Hulk added.

"Who, Cap?" Tony asked.

"Who Cap?" Hulk questioned loudly. "Star Man?"

"Star Man…" Tony whispered to himself. After a moment he visualised the white star on some of Steve's uniforms. "Oh, right. Hulk hate Star Man?"

"Star Man OK." Hulk replied, as close to shrugging as Tony believed he could get. "Star Man tell Hulk smash. Star Man not puny."

"Then who's the big soldier man?" Tony asked quizzically.

"Old soldier man!" Hulk spat in frustration. "Take Betty away!"

"Oh, Ross." Tony replied. "Yeah, he's a dick."

"Red man hate old man too?" Hulk asked. "Red man and Hulk smash old man!"

"Don't know where he is buddy, sorry." Tony replied calmly. "What about the others? Like uh… hammer man? Do you like him?"

"Hammer man OK." Hulk replied sullenly. He had suddenly become interested in the snow, kicking it around with his bare feet.

Tony wondered if Bruce was watching, or would even remember the conversation. This was by far the longest exchange Tony had managed with the Hulk. Possibly anyone had managed for that matter.

"Why so down buddy?" Tony asked, craning his neck to try to catch the behemoth's eye.

"Banner want to kill Hulk." Hulk replied, slumping into the snow with a crash that shook the trees. "Banner puny, but smart. Smart man might kill Hulk."

Hulk slumped over, dejected, scooping the snow into his giant hands.

"Red man smart like Banner." Hulk rumbled. "Red man not kill Hulk."

"Well of course not." Tony replied, settling down in the snow next to Hulk. "I wouldn't kill my favourite Avenger would I?"

Hulk turned to Tony. His expression was stoic and difficult to read. He turned his attention back to the snow.

Tony allowed silence to fall between them for a moment.

"Hey big guy? Remember when you jumped and caught me? When I was falling?" Tony asked.

"Hulk remember." The Hulk replied, patting the snow into a solid mass with his giant hands.

"Why'd you do it?" Tony asked, genuinely ignorant of the answer.

"Banner like funny man." Hulk replied. "Hulk like red man."

"Red man is funny man you know." Tony reminded him.

"Hulk not stupid. Hulk knows." He replied, sweeping away his snow structure.

"You know who is stupid?" Tony nudged him, as if whispering a secret. "Banner."

"Banner puny." Hulk replied. "Banner not stupid."

"Nah, he totally is." Tony replied. "Banner and red hair like each other, but Banner's a dork."

"What dork?" Hulk asked.

"Uh…" Tony struggled. "I guess it means that Banner and red hair could be together, but Banner's… well, you know him better than me."

"Hmph." Hulk chuckled. "Banner like red hair. Red hair like Banner. Banner is dork."

"Worthy of the bard himself buddy." Tony smiled. "What about you? You like red hair?"

"Hulk like red hair." He nodded. "Red hair look puny, but not puny."

"That's pretty accurate." Tony acknowledged. "What about Legolas?"

"Hulk not know Legolas." Hulk replied, losing interest. He was getting slightly smaller with each passing second as he reverted to Banner.

"Hulk… can you see what Banner thinks about stuff?" Tony asked, figuring Banner wouldn't remember anyway. Time to seize an opportunity.

"Not all time." Hulk replied. "Some time."

"What does Banner feel about Betty?" Tony probed.

"Banner love Betty. Hulk love Betty too." Hulk replied solemnly.

"What does Banner feel about red hair?" Tony furthered.

"Hulk like red hair. Banner puny. Afraid of red hair." Hulk replied, the slightest hint of disdain evident in his voice.

"Afraid. Interesting." Tony whispered to himself. Hulk keeled over next to him, writhing on the ground as he transformed back into Banner.

* * *

Within a few seconds, Banner was trembling in the snow.

"Hey Bruce." Tony greeted him.

Banner righted himself before rising unsteadily to his feet.

"That seemed… long." Bruce noted, blinking to try and reduce the glare from the snow.

"Had a chat with the Other Guy. Pretty interesting." Tony replied casually.

"A chat?" Bruce asked. He took in their surroundings. "The forest looks remarkably… unscathed."

"That's because it was an actual chat. You know, with words and stuff." Tony replied quietly, looking him up and down. "Dude, seriously, I know we're best friends and all, but I see your junk _way_ too often."

"I would have worn the Other Guy's pants if I'd known you were going to push me out of the jet." Bruce replied, not particularly happy.

"Well, Thor had to bail and we needed a heavy." Tony shrugged. "An hour's raid became like a ten minute raid. To be honest, whenever the big guy's in play the rest of us are pretty redundant."

"Are we getting any closer to Strucker?" Bruce asked, shivering.

Tony turned heel and began to walk in the direction of the landing zone, with Bruce catching up after a couple of steps.

"The intel we captured points to a location around 50 miles from here." Tony replied. "We'll let them fortify their main base for now, I want to hit all their outposts."

"Won't Steve have something to say about that?" Bruce asked.

"We might actually agree for once." Tony speculated. "I doubt he'd want to hit their HQ only for them all to scurry away to another outpost."

The two trudged onwards.

"Don't you want to know what we talked about?" Tony asked.

"Who?" Bruce asked quizzically.

"Taylor Swift, obviously." Tony replied sarcastically. "The Other Guy, moron."

"I doubt he's a thrilling conversationalist." Bruce replied, looking down at the snow as they walked.

"Well, he's more coherent than you are around Romanoff." Tony smirked.


End file.
